guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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