Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
