Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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