so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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