She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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