you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
