just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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