I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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