haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
