aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
