mondays should just be called national damage control day
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
