I don't usually arrange sex via text message
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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