I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
