when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
