How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize