There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
This baby is an asshole
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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