Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
