glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize