I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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