we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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