very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
