The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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