i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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