I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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