i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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