I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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