My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize