The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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