i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
why is half of my head shaved?
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