I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
