I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
