K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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