Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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