i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
