I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
