If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
