I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Umm I'm too high to move.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
