even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
