You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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