so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
