I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
