I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
