Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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