i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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