he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
