Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
