mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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