I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
