Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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