I'm gonna have a badass scar
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
