I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
