would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
my poor anus
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
