But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
