There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Randomize
