When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Randomize
