I bet he comes in French.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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