I think I won the penis lottery.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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