TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
