rhymes with "ouble enetration"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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