She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
