R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Pants are for mortals
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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