great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Send help, water and tortillas.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
