im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just pee around me
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
