He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
