I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
