pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
