It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
