We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
