It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
a search helicopter?!
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
