To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
