You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
