A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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