Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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