Do you still have your period?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
