is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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