I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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