she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
