I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize