I only kidnapped one of them. chill
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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